my first real post. no spell check, no great grammar, but here it is :)

Today I am missing my family. The air is crisp and clear, there's a little snow left on the ground (which my adventurous children would spend hours trying to convince it to shape into an igloo or snowman), hot chocolate, cuddling and winter stories from mine and my husbands child hoods would fill today.

But they are in California, enduring an earthquake that rattled the house this morning ( a 5.0 18 miles from the house) woke my husband from a deep sleep (which is a miracle in it's self) and caused my showering daughter no small concern. Every one is okay, but we are missing each other. We are all striving for the day we can be together again, following the eternal plan in micro mode i suppose.

There is so very much to do, and so little time to do it in, and everything is so extremely interdependent on everything and every one around us, that for all the pieces to fall into place seems nigh impossible.

I made a list yesterday (because lists usually help me focus and relax) and by page three it was just too overwhelming. I don't know how we'll do it. We have to, there are no other options, and so there must be a way, this i am sure of but the how, wheres, and whys all pile up and overtake my sense of well being.

well since this blog is mine, and blogs are meant to be an outlet for build up of emotional steam, it will now commence to billow forth.

I don't want to spend the rest of my mortality indebted to every one i know. i don't want to spend my children's youth at work in an office far away from their faces. i don't want to live where people look down their nose at you for speaking properly, and consider every personal failing a delightful topic for their next gossip brunch, where women consider a married man fair game, and men enjoy a "good ol boys club" that makes a gossiping gaggle of women look like cream pie in comparison! Where they thump the bible and despise their neighbor, where bugs and humidity are everywhere. and the list could go on for a long time, yet here i am, because this is where our family can live.

And more than what i don't want... what i DO want is for my children, my husband, and i to be under one roof.

now of course the words fail me. i type and delete. type and delete.

what do you share when you can blurt out any old thing? it kind of takes the vehemence out of the whole situation.

type and delete.

maybe i will try again tomorrow. but i can say that the effort was made today :) and tomorrow will be better!